i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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