i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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