Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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