my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
