so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
