Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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