How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
