Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
