When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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