I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just found puke in my bra..
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
