I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
