Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
