why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
