You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
