Whats the glycemic index on semen?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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