ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
