We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
