You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
