you have to choose: penises or morals?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
