Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Say something about gay babies.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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