i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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