Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
