She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
