So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
