If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Randomize
