Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
