I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
