at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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