I want to stick my p in your. b.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
