I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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