tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
