it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
