I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We're too hungover to prance.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
