I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
