Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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