you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
