APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
