i think my tv is drunk
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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