peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
