he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
