just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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