i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
