Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
