Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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