i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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