Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
