Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
