Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Four minutes until I can fart!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
