you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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