it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
