Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
