i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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