Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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