Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
