he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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