I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So much Jack, so little girl.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
