You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
