Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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