Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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