never play flip cup with pint glasses
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
