My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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