Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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