Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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