Duck Duck Cougar?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
