I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
