Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
