I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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