I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
