Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
