I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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