I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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