last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize