you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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