can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
