You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
