I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
