Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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