you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
