And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
