Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
