Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
