They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
