Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
