dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just want nice things and good sex
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i believe in u and ur pee
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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